OMG i think i need to start listening to my own advise. "Failing is not the last step, its the first!"

Its true. Todays culture does not allow people to fail and kills the souls of those who do. That makes most of us. Everyone fails, at one point in time. We fail to understand our capabilities, our goals, our environment and even others. Only after failing can we learn how to stand up and try again. We need to fail, only then do we become humbled at our limits. But is it safe to say that no one fails in life? They say we all have a purpose, do we fulfill them before we die? Can we? How do we know our purpose in life?

We don't. We live our lives and hope we do what we are supposed to do.
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I feel drained. So tired. i need to cry and let everything out to someone. To get it out of my system. I can't keep saying that I can't cry and let it out. I have to try and get it out. I have to stop thinking of what i will do and start doing what i wanna do. I cannot end up like my father. He was a good man but all he did was think. I wanna be a do-er not a thinker. I want to have my children, grandchildren and others to talk about me after my death as someone who did what she had to do and did all responsibly and well. I do not want to have anyone after my death 'bitch' about me. Say that there were things i did not do, saying i was irresponsible and stupid. I want to be better than him.

But on-top of it all i miss him so. Maybe this is the reason why i got into a relationship, to get my mind out of my dead father. it was wrong of me to do that, to use him to get my pain out. However, i do not regret it. Im glad that i went through what i did.